It's Friday. Sex?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
