gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
