I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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