his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
