so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize