the new term for farting is butt boxing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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