i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
