I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
