Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
