I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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