and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
