the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize