everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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