I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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