I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
