im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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