how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
