i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize