oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
