did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
