I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
this hospital has no fireball
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
