break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no, he came in my armpit
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
