and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
