69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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