i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
