Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My cat gives me a boner
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
