I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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