I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
