so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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