My hand turned me down
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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