Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
