I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
