I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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