Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
