Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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