I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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