I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
