areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
