Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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