Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
