Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize