On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
