Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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