PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
