I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
