Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
