Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
