i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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