Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize