Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
