I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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