I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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