Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
