I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
