Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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