Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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