Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
