we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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