I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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