I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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