I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
