Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
