Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
