feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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