Got a toothbrush?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My hand turned me down
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
