So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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