I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
