508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
