I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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