is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
