Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just had sex on a roof
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
